Lately

Our little babe is thumping more and more these days. The Dr. said my placenta is blocking so I cannot feel a whole lot of movement. But it is increasing!! Nathan actually felt the baby the other night. It was funny - I kept asking if he could feel it and he kept saying no. One time after I asked him and he said no the baby kicked even harder and he felt it!!

Nathan has been traveling a lot lately. For anyone that knows me I do not even like when he goes on an overnight campout with the Boy Scouts. We are so used to be together and that is the way I like it! Well, his plane just landed and now I must wait until he drives home. It is interesting how trials change perspective.

Speaking of trials. This is a good one. A couple weeks ago Nathan kept sharing with me different things he was learning about self-mastery. I listened intently and was impressed with his dedication. Little did I know that soon enough I would be the one using those principles. This pregnancy has been very rough. I started with a couple of infections which was followed by months of nausea - even on medication. The poor kids had a lame summer. Then in July I was feeling better on the medicine and we started to get a life. We went places, even to Sea World. Things were looking up!

Then two days after Nathan started sharing about self mastery I had some kidney pain. The first night it woke me up but I went back to sleep and was fine the next day while Nathan was gone to the temple. But that night I woke up at 1 am in pain!!! I could not sleep at all and waited until I could call my Dr. Of course he told me to call my urologist. So I did. Kelli ended up driving me to my Dr. appt. After an ultrasound I got the news. A kidney stone. Unreal. I asked it I could pass it and he thought I could, so I chose that route since it is the safest for the baby.

So we went home - after stopping on the side of the road to throw up. I was miserable, but I knew there was nothing that could be done. In the middle of the night I got a fever. I called my OB in the morning and he said if I had a fever I needed to get the stent. My heart melted - the stent has always been the part I hate the most with kidney stones. And I knew that if I had it put in I would have to have it for the rest of the pregnancy. I just didn't want it.

Well, the doctors won and I headed to the outpatient surgery center. I was greeted with nurses and an anesthesiologist who did not think I should have the procedure. The urologist said the infection could kill me if I didn't do it. So I sat in turmoil waiting, worrying, wondering. Nathan was going to come pick me up because it would be awhile before they could work me in, but I wouldn't let him. I just didn't want to ride that far again - I didn't want to end up throwing up on the side of the road.

After a half hour or so (I lost all sense of time) they decided to send me to the hospital to get the surgery. I am so glad. The anesthesiologist at the hospital had no reservations on working with someone pregnant so I was greatly relieved. I ended up getting a spinal so I was awake during the procedure. My very first experience with kidney stones was awful - the doctor was terrible, forgot to give me pain medication and then took out the stent while I was awake!!! It was awful. So the thought of being awake for the surgery did not sit well.

In my mind my husband's teachings came - self mastery. I realized that my mind and spirit are stronger than my body. So I prayed and prayed and prayed. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was wondering when they were going to start. Then they turned on the lights - I was done! Relief. Bladder spasms are the most painful part for me when getting a stent. I nearly cried when they told me that I could not have the right medicine because I am pregnant. Again, I prayed and realized that the Lord would not ask this of me if I could not do it with His help. So I took tylenol.

Because of the infection I had to spend the night in the hospital. It was my first time in the hospital other than when I have had babies. I wanted Nathan to go get me food, but then I thought "Oh wait, I am hear because I am sick. I guess I have to obey the rules." I finally got a hospital room at 6:30pm. My surgery was a 2 pm. It was a long day and an even longer night. The nurses offered pain medication, but I have learned from experience that it does not help with the bladder spasms - it just makes me feel sick.

I came home on a Saturday - I was never so happy to be home. I was endlessly grateful for wonderful friends that helped in so many ways. I am so blessed!!

So through this experience I really had to trust in the Lord. There was no way I could do it - at all. I knew how painful it is and Iknew that I just couldn't handle it. But the Lord knew that. He knew that the only way I would make it was to rely on Him. It gave me a huge appreciation for this baby inside of me! I seriously thought we were done. I did not want to get pregnant again and start all over, but I felt very strongly that we were supposed to have another baby. As I see all of the trials and hardships that I have endured this pregnancy (and I am just over halfway) I see how precious this spirit must be to the Lord. I feel honored to be entrusted with this baby. That is a huge step from my attitude at the beginning. I am so grateful that the Lord continues to bless me even when I do not deserve it!

It is a new week though and I still have a lot of discomfort from the stent, but the kidney pain is passing so assume the stone has also. The urologist said it might take a couple weeks for the pain from the stent to go away. Surprisingly that gave me hope. I was afraid there would be no relief.

Nathan is returning from his second business trip - can you believe I have survived? But the worst is yet to come - he will be leaving the country. I teased about hiding his passport when it came in the mail, but I realize that these trips are happening now for a reason. The Monday right after I got out of the hospital Nathan left for Miami. I had a lot of help from people especially with meals, love and support, but I survived. This week he went to New York and again I am surviving. Through facing situations where I feel completely weak and helpless the Lord is actually strengthening me. Unreal. Humbling, but amazing.